How To Make Your Marriage Work

Marriage is more than the fanfare or just saying yes, I do. It transcends having someone by your side or bearing your name. Marriage is the automatic adoption of responsibility. It is an act of mutual submission; a union where you are required to give your all if not in greater measures.

Agreeably, I see it as the coming together of two flawed and imperfect beings to help each other become the best version of themselves. That means if the person you’re with is not becoming better as a result of being with you, then you’re failing. 

START WITH YOUR VOWS 

Taking your marital vows seriously is the beginning of your responsibilities in marriage. If you can’t take responsibility for the commitments you made, then you are not worthy of that union let alone the totality of someone else’s commitment. 

DECIDE TO MAKE IT WORK

Of course, deciding to make your marriage work is a responsibility in itself. When you make a precise and concise decision about something, you devote the entirety of your being into ensuring it’s fruitful.

This means you saying, “I will extend the best of me to you”. Perhaps doing so will bring out the best in you and in me, too. 

DO SOMETHING BETTER 

Like everything you do that matters to you, bring your all to the table. I recall someone telling me “Whenever your opponent makes a good move, you have to make a better move”.

Except in this case the person in question isn’t your opponent but your spouse. So that could translate into whenever your partner does something good you must do something better. At least to the degree you can afford to, take it a step higher. 

You create a space where both of you are constantly improving. And in the real sense of it, it makes life meaningful. 

BE KIND

You’re their first point of interaction.  So be kind to your spouse. Bear each other’s burdens. It cements your bond. Your spouse can then boast that he or she has someone supportive and undeniably reliable. 

Absolutely, it’s cruel to see the person you’re supposedly one with go through hard times and all you do is compound their suffering or even turn a blind eye. 

When you look at the world closely, you’ll  notice people have tossed the act of kindness to the deep blue sea. Hence, the drastic drop in the number of marriages. It’s your responsibility to be kind. So be kind.

RESOLVE CONFLICTS 

I’ll explain this using an illustration. If there is a little dragon in your home, you saw it. But in your mind you keep saying it’s harmless. You say that consistently enough then you come home one day only to see that the roof of your house has been destroyed. What will you do because at this point the dragon is way much bigger than you? 

This is exactly what people do in their marriages, ignore problems that could have been resolved until it becomes insurmountable. At this stage, they start to wonder “How did we get here?”

As Jordan Peterson puts, “Collect a hundred, or a thousand of those, and your life is miserable and your marriage doomed”. Do not pretend you are happy with something if you are not.

Have the damn fight. As unpleasant as that might be at the moment, it is one less straw on the camel’s back. And that is particularly true for those daily events that everyone regards as trivial. Life is what repeats, and it is worth getting what repeats right.

Clearly, misunderstandings are an integral part of marriage and have those little disagreements. Proffer solutions. For something you’ll be doing for the rest of your life, you don’t want to be miserable doing it.

Emotional Intelligence is very important in managing conflict even in romantic relationship. You can checkout www.themagicofeiproject.com for more insights.

FORGET WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN

For the fact that no two people are the same, automatically means no two marriages will be the same either. Talk it out with your spouse and discuss the things you want in your marriage. Then create your own rules.

It will be laughable for you to think what was applicable 10 years ago is applicable now. Times are different. Discuss the peculiarities and ensure it’s within the values and vision you have for your home. Let your spouse know their take is paramount too.

Unarguably, it’s your responsibility to make your marriage the best place for each other to be. Let it be a place where there is love, respect, and security. Then see if every couple won’t wish to be in your shoes. 

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